The Art of Imitation

 Can someone please explain to me why I can let cakes upon cookies upon brownies go in and out of my oven without even licking my fingers or sneaking a crumb and then I get around those soft sugar cookies with frosting and mountains of chemicals found at your local grocery store and I go weak at the knees?  It's really quite sad.  I always want to justify it by saying, "But looook, it's red and green for Christmas and Christmas only happens once a year so I have to get them. Oh looook orange and black for Halloween, Halloween only happens once a year I have to get them. Oh loooook blue and grey for national whale week, national whale week only happens once a year so I have to get them."  (OK, they don't really have national whale week cookies and I am not really sure a national whale week even exists, but you get the picture...)  What I am trying to say is those less than natural cookies are the bomb.  So, it was time to try to make them at home.  Difference?  This recipe with no-chemicals-to-be-found made those. 

And you know you want to eat it.  You can justify it by saying, "Awwww look, red, white and blue for fourth of July. Fourth of July only comes one day a year so I have to make them."



Well, I did make them. You have to understand that from the moment those sugared butter balls of dough hit the pan until my first bite, I was on pins and needles.  The anxiety.  These have been my comfort food since forever so they had to reach a very high level of awesome.

When I pulled them out of the oven.  I breathed.  A little.  Well?  They looked edible at least. But would they make the cut?  This is the exact reason why I avoid making peoples all-time favorite foods.  Too much pressure.  Sometimes I like the challenge but most times it makes me need something to relax me.  Maybe I should look into Lamaze classes.  Think they'd let me go to one to learn how to breathe while baking? I wonder...

Slathered frosting on them and here they are.  Soft sugar cookies.  Childhood favorite with about 573 less chemicals.  I can't say they were identical but I can say I had more than one.  Imitation success!  If I were feeling really ambitious I would have a recipe off and find the closest match but I have decided I should probably set my ambitions elsewhere.  If Jesus comes back this week and all I've got to say for myself is that I successfully recreated the soft frosted sugar cookie, He probs won't be super impressed.  Life is short and also there are way to many other recipes to try like these pinata cookies that are only my wildest dream to try to bake. My eyes are fixed on higher things.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3

Shake and Bake Y'all!

-Me



Shake and Bake Zumba Cake

Shakira was spot on when she said her hips don't lie.  Hips are very telling little things.  They tell whether you've got moves or whether you have had a few too many slices of cake in your day.  Me and my hips have battled as I have stumbled my way to finally being a salsera and as my rabbit food diet shed that cake off inch by inch.  I can also attribute the success of my diet to the party also known as Zumba.  In fact I might just be a Zumba freak.  It is only natural that when one of my favorite Zumba instructors had to move to California, I created a Zumba cake.  Brilliant colors and wild patterns? Yes please!

I began first with a marble touch.  Bright colors? Check! Wild patterns? Double check.

Came out of the oven and I almost peed myself with excitement because of the awesomeness.  (I am aware that that is not a lady-like thing to say but I just wanted to ensure you understood my excitement. Sorry.)  Please notice a small example of the Jenga that happens in my kitchen.  It gets interesting sometimes...

So the awesome Zumba cake high was there until I cut the first slice.  Bright colors? Still check. Wild patterns? Nope. Wah wah wah.  Lesson learned about marble cakes.  Only cool from a birds-eye view.  Now I know.

The good part of this adventure was that they moved the party a week back, so I got to do a take 2.  My students didn't mind the lack of pattern because there was not a lack of sugar as I pawned my cake off on them. 

Cake two?  Zebra pattern.  Two colors.  Blob-by-blob.  Baked into awesomeness.  Bright colors? Check!  Wild patterns?  Double check!  

Of course the frosting had to be bright too.  This cake is not meant for dull people.  In fact if you are boring?  Avoid this cake.  It will overwhelm you.  Stick to a vanilla cake with buttercream frosting.  All white.  All safe.  Hmmm.  Maybe I should make a surgeon's general warning for this cake or something...

When we cut into the cake?  It was a win!  I let out a big sigh of relief.  Zebra stripe success.  This cake even survived a mordida.  Wondering what a mordida is?  Well in the cake cutting of cakes in the Latin culture, the person in which the cake is in honor of is instructed to take a bite of the cake with no hands before it is cut.  Every time the person says, "OK, OK, I'll take a mordida but don't push my face in this time."  Every time the others promise, "We won't" Then someone comes from behind and shoves their face into the cake. They submerge from the cake with frosting all over and this shocked look, because they magically believed that this time they really weren't going to get pushed in.  That's a mordida.  And my cake survived it. 

All in all, my adventures into encapsulating the essence of Zumba in cake form was a success.  It provided some great inspiration.  We won't mention the fact that my usual union with these lovely Zumbera ladies does not involve such high caloric items like this 1-2-3-4 cake from Pie in the Sky (my go-to baking cookbook that I love more than a whole lot of other things that I love) with a brightly colored buttercream frosting. Every once in a while indulgence is OK (especially in the name of Zumba and one of my favorite Zumberas who is now safely to the beautiful state of California to shake her hips on some dreamy beach instead of in our compact lime green colored store-front room at a run down mini-mall on Sheridan). 

So shake and bake, it's what I do.  You know you want to join this party! 

You think King David would have done Zumba?...

"David, wearing a linen ephod, danced before the Lord with all his might, while he and the entire house of Israel brought up the ark of the Lord with shouts and the sound of trumpets." 2 Samuel 6:14-15

When I was a kid we had to walk up hill both ways in the snow to get to Pinterest.

For those of you who hear me during any given day, you are now, I am sure, well aware of my addiction to Pinterest.  I have this new talent of tying everything back to some pin I put on a board.  "Speaking of the election, I saw this great recipe for all-American cupcakes I could make on election day."  "Speaking of the NBA playoffs, I saw the cutest basketball cake pops the other day on Pinterest."  "Speaking of your dog's fleas..." You get the picture.  Pinning pins onto my boards gives me a high and then when I check the pins off my list I feel an immense sense of accomplishment (sadly potentially more than my master's degree diploma that is currently still sitting on my desk waiting to find a proud little place to hang).  Which makes me wonder, can I print out my pinboard on a plaque and hang that?  Don't put it past me.  It could happen some day.  Pins take up so much of my life, from the cowboy cookie mix in a jar I made for teacher appreciation week to the snickerdoodle bundt cake I made for Fat Friday at school or the dinner of fried rice, Asian cabbage slaw, and a honey ginger chicken with a marinade recipe meant for pork chops (which I failed to pin so I guess that deliciousness was a one time occurrence, wah wah wah).  Here is the dinner:

Yum. Right? Thought so.  I am convinced Pinterest has made my life at least 3.25 times more interesting than it already was.  There are a ridiculous amount of recipes I have compiled and I am now even more convinced that my desire to live in a 1 room house with just a kitchen is logical.  I have so many pins to cook up that I have no need for any other room.  So... who's gonna build that for me? 

The funny thing about Pinterest is that all of these clever ideas and cutesy themes are now becoming common place because everyone sees them and copies them.  I would like to count how many Superbowl parties this year had chocolate covered strawberries made to be footballs or Christmas parties had brownies with Santa hats made out of strawberries.  Originality has taken a hit with the making of Pinterest.  This is why when I was asked to bake some cakes for Fat Friday at school, I was so proud of my baby shower cake idea.  Cake idea: bumblebees all over it with a message that said "Congrats on the ba-bee". I wanted a trophy because it is the first cutesy thing that I have made in a while that was not "pin"spired. 

Cute and trophy worthy, right?  And did you notice my new word? "pin"spired. I am forever and always now adopting my new word "pin"spired for those things you make because you saw them on Pinterest.  Use it.  Spread it around.  It's gonna be famous. It's also going to be useful.  Pinspiration is a reality.  Without it, when I barbecued asparagus, portabello mushrooms, peppers and pineapples, I would not have also tried grilled watermelon (which is to die for by the way) or spicy honey chicken. 

To Pinterest I owe many much thanks for all of the deliciousness that has occured in my kitchen.  Being pinspired is glorious but all jokes aside, I am grateful for an inspiration that comes from a Greater Source. God has created us each with unique passions and talents.  I have been recently in reflection on how to use my passions for God's glory.  Let's see how God uses shakin my hips in Zumba class to further His kingdom.  Not sure how, but I am convinced there is a way...  So this summer this plan is to take my God given talents and inspirations and figure out how they can be used next to bring more people to know Him.  Can't wait!  Now its time for some soul searching, which isn't really something that can be found on Pinterest but I'm sure I'll use bake therapy to help me along the way...

"For you created my inmost being;  you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,  I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalms 139:13-16

Cupcake Wars: Eating to World Peace

I am a gym rat.  I also bake a lot of high caloric foods.  Maybe that is why I am a gym rat.  Necessity.  The dichotomy is not really that blatant until I am at the gym watching Cupcake Wars as my machine reads that I have just finished a 900 calorie work out.  I would like to formally apologize to those at the gym with me who are stuck watching it.  I have no desire to change this behavior.  I like both activities. I like them simultaneously.  But if you ever run into someone who mentions that they go to the gym with some crazy who watches the Food Network while at the gym, you can go ahead and tell them I sometimes feel guilt about this (since they probably aren't reading this blog). 

Of all of the shows I watch on the Food Network while at the gym, Cupcake Wars is quickly becoming a favorite.  Who knew cupcaking could be an extreme sport?  Those cupcakers are kind of hard core and their contribution to society does not go unnoticed.  Cupcakes are so cute and cuddly.  It is hard to be mad at life with your mouth full of cupcake.  Try it.  Stop reading. Bake a batch of cupcakes.  Eat them and then mid-bite try to be mad about something.  Can't do it?  Just as I suspected.  I hypothesize that cupcakes are the answer to world peace.  Anyone want to sponsor my bakery so I can test this theory? Please and thank you. 

I got to have a little cupcake wars of my own this weekend.  Carrot cake cupcakes vs. devil's food cake cupcakes vs. cheesecake cupcakes. 

Contestant 1:

Contestant 2:

Contestant 3:

Oh wait.  The were all sugary therefore delicious therefore they all won.  Cupcake war over.  I guess its a good thing I am not a judge on the show. It would turn into the YMCA where everybody is a winner as long as they had fun.  I don't think you could produce a show on such principles.  They probably need some drama to make it enjoyable for the viewers. 

I might be a bad judge of cupcakes but I am a good judge of how much my kids have learned.  Yes, yes, yes we have standardized tests that show how much kids have learned from you but the most telling event happened for me today.  We were taking our district wide reading test and when my one of my students finished, she said, "Ms. A, that was easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy!"  I was elated. Not because she found the test easy (although that was a bonus) but because she quoted me.  I say that all the time.  I'm not sure what that says about America's future that I have a lot of mini-me's floating around out there calling things easy-peasy-lemon-sqeezy but I am gonna say I felt this I'm-a-rockstar sensation bubbling up from within.   Changing kids for the better is a pretty awesome job to have.  I wouldn't trade it for the world.  The happiness that stems from these types of moments is priceless.  Whether it is the moments like biting into a melt-in-your-mouth-fresh cupcake or waking up and driving to do what you love, just do it.  Life is too short to not seek joy.  As they say in the book of James, life is but a mist.  Fill it and fill it well.  Where your passion is, where your heart is, there lies your meaning.  Fixate on these things; seeking purpose and finding that which spurs you on to leave a legacy of your own.  I wouldn't say that this task is so "easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy" but I would say it's the cream filling to your Hostess.  It's the good stuff. 

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Philippians 4:8

Save the planet. Recycle your cakes!

Earth day was Sunday.  Yay Earth!  I spent the day riding my bike and reminding my skin that while I hang out with a lot of tan people, I am not a tan person.  My wardrobe today avoided the red hues as to not accentuate my lobster-like coloring.  Not gonna complain though.  Life on a bike is always better.  I appreciated the excuse to zoom around on two wheels and get an awesome hair-do from my helmet.  What I love about being a Coloradan is I went to church immediately after my ride, and my slightly flattened (and yes believe it or not my hair does have the ability to flatten) hair matched about half of the people there who had also been sporting about all day.

 

Being a Coloradan, recycling is also rampant.  In an effort to support our planet and save the earth, I decided cake recycling should also be practiced.  You know how you cut a cake, enjoy a cake and then want to enjoy it the next day and it has not held it's moist state and then you want to cry?  Well, recycle your cake instead.  Go green.  Do cake pops.  While some fools have been tricked into buying expensive cake pop machines that bake the cakes into cute little balls, they do not know what they are missing.  If you take the already baked cake and mix it up with the frosting and roll it into a meatball it is like heaven in your mouth.  Trust me, heaven is worth the few extra calories.  Then these cake-y meatballs are dipped in the melted goodness and rolled in cookie crumbs.  Oh yes.  Recycling can be delicious.  No more dry cake.  No more tears.  Just heaven in a spherical form.
 

Can you see all the moistness that is happening in the middle of that?  Cake pop makers you by at the store are a weak attempt at delicious in comparison.  They just bake cakes into spheres. Don't even waste your pantry space (which you know is precious).  I have been oogling over a lot of kitchen gadgets recently.  Kitchen stores are a dengerous place.  There are so many things to buy.  I mean, who doesn't need a special brownie pan that makes all edge pieces, a heart shaped donut pan, a blow torch or an icing gun?  Obviously those are necessities.  And since you are saving the Earth now by recycling your cakes, being a greater consumer of baking materials won't make a huge dent in the environment.  Everything balances out in my book. 

*Sigh* Justification is a glorious thing.  It allows me to get totally uneccessary baking tools, eat frozen yogurt by the pound in the name of "it's better for you than..." or drink massive amounts of caffeine because I am sure I can identify someone who has a worse addiction than me.  Justification allows for my zero calorie rules and my overly type-A-if-I-don't-do-it-who-will attitude.  This kind of justification however, while it excuses bad behaviors and character flaws is no comparison to the Jesus kind.

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ," Romans 5:1

I can dig that. 

Wedding Cakes and Easy Bakes

It is official.  As my lease ends in September I have come to the glaring realization that my next residence needs nothing more than a kitchen.  I will have a bed that turns into a dining room table, or maybe not even have a bed, just buy more Rockstars and Starbucks.  I think this is a wise investment, as I spent Thursday afterschool pretending like my size-of-a-miniature-poodle kitchen was really a commercial size kitchen and proceeded to make a baseball hat carrot cake, a coconut baseball cake, chocolate cupcakes, an ice cream cake and 3 flavors of frosting.  Things got interesting. It is never a good idea to have dense carrot cakes that are sculpted into a baseball hat delicately balancing on your coffee maker with the prayer that it doesn't fall when the sculpted cake has reached the status of being called "my baby."  Its like trying to bake a wedding cake in an Easy Bake oven; it just shouldn't happen.

These cakes were then transported and my friends who helped in the transporting probably didn't realize that they put their lives on the line for coming to my aid because if they dropped one, I was prepared to make them pay ("end them" if you will).  Yeah, I get attached to my projects sometimes.  Character flaw? Probably.  But I have decided that instead of dealing with this unhealthy attachment to my baked goods, I should probably just move into a kitchen and mask the issue.  Logical.  Regardless, the cakes made it to their destination in one piece. 



See?  This is the cake.  At it's destination.  In one piece.  There was one smudge of black icing but I decided to spare my helper's life since it was a 98.4% success (which is a passing grade).  Smudged icing is still delicious icing.  In addition, the baseball cake in the background made it without a hitch.  Plus?  In Ace of Cakes people have commited greater errors in transportation and they still maintain their living and breathing status and even their jobs as cake gurus so I decided a little grace was in order.  Thank goodness I have Jesus to teach me how to be nice to people like this, eh? 

That is something that has been running through my mind a lot lately.  We all have these things that bring the carnal side of us out, the ugly parts of us that we would rather others not bare witness to.  The reality is there is a whole lot of my character that has been transformed by the grace of God.  This grace covers me and compells me to be a better me.  Though flaws are abundant, there is a clear mark left by my Maker who continually refines me and for that I praise.  I am compassionate and sweet not because I am massively sugared from all of my baking projects but because I am loved greatly by the greatest Lover of all time. 

"We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19

Dentures, depends and desserts.

Titles can be misleading.  Everyone has been recommending (and by everyone I mean random people on Pinterest I don't even know who have been deciding my most recent culinary endeavors) this recipe called "I want to marry you" cookies.  I have decided that the title is missing an important piece.  I am choosing to call these cookies "I want to marry you quick because pretty soon all of the butter in this recipe will go to my hips and then you won't want to marry me anymore" cookies.

 

The butter that left it's shiny trace on each fingertip was a gentle reminder that while these cookies contained oatmeal, they are a negative five on the health scale.  It is recipes like these that make me excited to get old because when I am old and retired with my own little bakery, I plan on eating whatever I want.  Ice cream for breakfast.  Everyday.  For lunch too.  Maybe dinner.  I deserve to celebrate each breath I continue to take, and I plan on celebrating with tons of the things I said no to while eating my greens in my 20's when it mattered.  I think I need a Pinboard reserved for the recipes I will make for myself when I am 80 and there is zero hope for me ever having a six pack.  I'm not going to say that I won't enjoy a salad or two when I am older, but my rigid diet will not be a priority.  I will eat what I want when I want and lick the plate when I finish.  I will make many much "I want to marry you" cookies drenched in butter and own at least 5 ice cream makers to ensure that I have a wealth of ice cream selections available to me at all times. 

Among the many things I dream about doing when I'm old like opening my own bakery and having brightly colored sweat suits for doing Jazzercize, I am excited to grow old with someone.  I may let go of nutrition and adopt ice cream as my sole nutrient but love is something that will not be relinquished.    Bouquets, letters and sweet moments walking hand in hand will crescendo into a beautiful symphony of romance as we get old and prune-y together.  It will be beautiful.  So, I wait for the days of my frozen dairy diet and watch God's plan unfold in the process, enjoy every rabbit meal I nibble at and smell the flowers delivered to me today with the scent bright promises. 

"And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."   Romans 8:28