Thursday, December 22, 2011

Boot Camp: If Cookie Baking Were an Obstacle Course

Some of the most awkward conversations happen while checking out at stores.  Standing in line at Costco with my mom and grandma yesterday, we began talking to the cashier.  He was a youngin (well early twenties) and mentioned the fact that he was hungry.  He told his co-worker, "Man, I need to stop eating out and start cooking at home more but I just don't like to cook."  To that, my mom said, "...or just marry someone who cooks."  The response, "You see, I don't really know people from our generation who cook."  My mom quickly offered, "My daughter does."  He stared at me.  I stared at my feet.  It got reeeeaaaaal awkward.  While my mom was just trying to prove a point, he thought she was trying to set us up and since there are not I-have-a-boyfriend rings, how was he to know the difference?  Excellent.  My life is awkward.  I think the reason I always buy cute shoes is because they are an excellent distraction to look at during awkward moments.  The awkward moment happens, you need something to look at besides the witnesses to the awkward moment, the floor is the instinctual place to look and when you do? BAM! Cute shoes! Awkward moment forgotten.  I have a lot of awkward moments ergo a lot of cute shoes.  Justification.

In all reality though, having a spouse that cooks is a definite win.  I suppose you could call the last few weeks of my life wife-in-training boot camp.  I have made a ridiculous amount of food.  Ridiculous.



Pinterest is not helping curb my culinary cooking splurges either.  I can now not only think about things I might make but oogle over them and put them into categories, which sends me right to type-A heaven.  So, what have I been cooking recently? First, it started with my cookie boxes.  I made some Dark Chocolate Thumbprints, Gingerbread Biscotti, Oreo Cheesecake Cookies. Peppermint Sugar Cookies, Red Velvet Cookies, Eggnog Cookies, Caramel Apple Cider Cookies, Chocolate Peppermint Cookies, sugar cookies, chocolate chip cookies, spritz cookies, pecan nut balls and the final cookie that makes Christmas official for me... molasses crinkles.  Overboard? Probably.  Necessary? Oh yes.  In case you are curious, I made 3 separate cookie assortments so each box did not get everything but I had fun.


At level 2, I moved onto the holiday meals.  I had a Christmas party with some friends.  Weeks before, a pinboard was created with all of the recipes.  Wife in training boot camp level two entailed: Lasagna Cupcakes, Toasted Ravioli, Zucchini Fries, Stuffed Mushrooms, Italian Meatballs (and let me tell you what a sight it is to see a vegetarian kneading through a bunch of raw meat), finished with some Pizza Egg Rolls. 

Level three? Random acts of hosting, including but not limited to: Breakfast Cookies, Eggnog Tres Leches Cake, Spicy Banana Zucchini Balls, Chicken Pot Pie and my all-time favorite: Eggplant Parmesan. 


Level four of the training program is still in process because this year I have overtaken the Christmas dinner.  There are lots of levels to wife-in-training boot camp.  It's kind of like Angry Birds that way.  Let the adventures begin!

 Alongside wife-in-training boot camp, I have begun another type of training but this kind is a little more figure-friendly called Jillian Michael's 6 Week Six Pack.  You need to know that I mostly judge work out DVDs and write them off for a weak excuse of a workout.  This DVD? Yeah, not so much.  I want to die and say not very nice things to the t.v. screen while I am doing it.  I am a gym rat and work out all the time and this DVD still kills me.  But I do it.  Even if I want to die.  Jillian even says in the video, "You may feel like you're going to die right now. You're not.  You're going to look ridiculous. That's what you are gonna do."  I better look ridiculous in six weeks or else. I can't figure out what exactly the or else is going to be, but I guess I have 5 weeks and 2 days to think about it.  All I know is that I better build some brute strength during these six weeks to fight all the people who will fight me for feeding them all of my cookies and finishing the cookie season with a six pick if Jillian pulls through and I get me one of those with her DVD. 

All of this training and I am excited to see the payoff.  I love the talents God has given me and am now spending my time making myself the best me I can be for His glory.  Somethings are selfish (like the six pack) but my training is allowing me to show hospitality to those He puts in my life.  That, I can dig. 

I love the idea of being in training, of being refined by fire for God's purposes, to become the famously quoted woman of virtue in Proverbs 31.  I think someday, it will come in handy.

"10A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family

16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."
Proverbs 31:10-31 

Happy cookie season!
From,
The Troublebaker

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Visions of Sugar Plums

I. love. Christmas.  There are a litany of things that make that statement true, including but not limited to: Christmas carols, the smell of pine tree smacking you in the face as you walk in your door, and (something I am sure you are not surprised by) the baking of Christmas cookies and plenty of willing victims for my bake fests with a legitimate excuse to bake something for them.  Yes, friends.  I. Love. Christmas.  While it comes with its pitfalls, which is a list that mostly just includes over-commercialization and fruit cake, Christmas is a great season.  I couldn't WAIT to start baking for Christmas.  Some people agonize over when is too early to put up decorations or blast their Christmas carols, but I always wonder, how early is too early to make holiday treats?  I even devoted an entire pinboard to it.  Well? This year I had to wait until December 2nd, but it was worth every bit of wait.  I kicked off the holiday season baking for a banquet and auction.  It all began with some Christmas Swirl Tea Cakes. 


Nothing says Christmas like a swirly-twirly cake!  This was a 1,2,3,4 cake (which is your basic recipe of 1 cup butter, 2 cups sugar, 3 cups flour and 4 eggs (then some salt, baking soda and vanilla) buuuuut being the troublebaker that I am and also being that I was at high altitude, my 1,2,3,4 cake was actually a 1, 2 (minus 2 tablespoons), 3 (add two tablespoons), 5 recipe.  So naughty...


Then the cakes were "tea-d" (as in cut into 1-inch squares and decorated).  A third got the lovely white chocolate glaze with hollies, but the rest were a creation due to the oh-crap-we-are-out-of-white-chocolate-chips-thanks-to-the-almond-coconut-bombs-I-made-last-night-and-we-are-in-the-middle-of-no-where-and-it-just-snowed-10-more-inches thing that sometimes happens. 



Creation 2 was a chocolate drizzle with red and green M & M's.  I don't think people were complaining at the change.  There were none left.


Creation 3 was a white chocolate drizzle, butter cream frosting and coconut to pay tribute to this great snow which almost left me trapped in this wonderful winter wonderland. 


Finally, were the cookies.  Two kinds were made.  First we had the buckeyes.  Since, they don't require baking, I guess they don't really count as cookies, but I have no other name for them besides balls of fat.  I don't think if you said to someone, "Hey, want to have a ball of fat?' however, anyone would actually accept.  Buckeyes.  A ball of peanut butter, butter, sugar and vanilla dipped in a chocolate coating of chocolate chips and shortening.  Yeah, ball of fat sounds like an appropriate name.  The others Coconut Almond Bombs.  They were increeeeeedible.  Okay, so I didn't actually try one, but the smell was incredible, they were all eaten up, and one of the men at the banquet tried a bite, then made everyone standing around him take a bite of his cookie because he thought it was that good.  I have decided to adopt this recipe for my family's cookie tray.  Since Christmas is a celebration, and therefore all foods are 0 calories , I will stuff my face full of them.  Looks like I've got me a new countdown... Count down to cookie-shoving-in-face!

Yup, Christmas is pretty swell.  I am looking forward to this season, I have dreams of what is to come in the upcoming year.  Plans? Not so much yet.  But visions?  Oh yeah.  Of things a little more than sugar plums.  Wishes? Oh yeah.  Of things a little more than my two front teeth.  All the while, I am grateful for a God who has greater visions then I can imagine and who gives us two front teeth and then some.  God is good.


Merry Christmas, y'all!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Bake Therapy

Bake therapy.  The amount of eggs that have flown in and out of this kitchen in the last weeks, insane amounts of butter, flour and sugar: bake therapy has overtaken my life.  I think at this point it might actually be economical to get some chickens and turn hipster.  I already have flannel shirts, it could work for me.  My cousin's chickens lay 4 eggs a day.  Thats enough for two batches of cookies a day or a batch of Shawn Taylor's favorite brownies.

Bake therapy is my go-to in times of stress.  Last Sunday? My friend Danielle invited me to bake and within 3 hours, we had made gooey chocolate cookies, carrot cake cookies, pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and banana chocolate chip muffins.  She didn't know what to do with me. Yesterday? 3 hours resulted in caramel apple spice cookies, cranberry salsa, prepping a pumpkin pie baked oatmeal and sweet potato crisps. 

I have been looking for any and every excuse to bake recently.  So I love the fact that it is Thanksgiving and there are lots of willing recipients of delicious fall treats.  So, what do I do? I invite all of my friends over for Friendsgiving on Sunday.  There will definitely be a repeat event next year.  I decided to take a break from my massive baking sessions and spent the last week pouring over recipe books and food blogs to make the perfect meal.  Theme: Southwestern Thanksgiving.  Challenge: Take all of the ingredients of thanksgiving and give them a southwestern twist.

It all started with the one recipe I failed to document, turkey cranberry quesadillas. I can't even tell you about how they tasted but I can tell you that people were delightfully surprised. You all will have left overs.  Make these.

Next? On to the carrots.  Chili Roasted Carrots.  Yeah. They were delish.  Had the leftovers today for lunch.  I still vote delish.



The mashed potatos were by far the hardest recipe to choose.  Turns out people like mashed potatos and adding lots of crazy stuff to them.  I guess it is the land of meat and potato lovers.  And I guess I shouldn't really be shocked since people are even doing things like adding bacon to milkshakes.  Chipotle roasted corn mashed potatos won the recipe battle.  Buuuut I am confessing here that I added sour cream to the recipe.  I also confess that I do not feel guilty because I didn't eat any.  I often make dishes with all the bells, whistles and extra calories when I know it is a recipe I won't eat.  So, sour cream happened. And now you know, for my friends? I don't cut calories.  You are worth every one of them. 



So with all of these trial recipes (which I question now why I didn't throw in an old faithful to make sure I at least had one good thing to eat at my Friendsgiving), this recipe was my favorite.  Squash Stuffed Roasted Poblano Peppers. Oh. Wow. They were delicious.  This will definitely be a repeat recipe.


Green beans are traditional at any Thanksgiving dinner.  Most often they are in the form of a green bean cassarole.  I really dislike green bean cassorole however.  I feel like each poor little green bean is screaming from the cream of mushroom soup saying "Help me! Get me out of this sad excuse of a claimed serving of vegetables."  I need crisp. I need fresh.  This recipe is much more that.  I was a happy girl crunching into one of these beans.


I threw in some turkey buscuits even though they are really just Pillsbury buttermilk biscuits, cut up and made into the shape of a turkey, with some of my pumpkin butter.  They were gobbled up by two little munchkins named Ty and Ryan who came to the feast.




It ended all with a pumpkin parfait. THIS was the recipe I was waiting for.  You see, generally I am content to nibble away in my rabbit food style at fruits and veggies, but then pumpkin happens and my cravings overtake my life.  I. love. pumpkin.  Can I get a witness?  (I don't actually know the appropriate time to use that phrase, it felt appropriate so I typed it.  I apologize for misuse of the English language if it occured.)



So, bake therapy.  Turns out there are some more delicious recipes out there, I need to get me some chickens, I need a sponsor for my baking addiction and most importantly I need to just face my anxieties, rolling pin in hand and take what the Lord is throwing at me.  Uncertainty is overwhelming but it compels me to trust in God and proclaim His sovereignty over my life. Uncertainty makes my heart race, my jaw tighten, my nights sleepless, and my free moments spent baking for the masses but slowly God is letting me release that grip and surrender my plans, my dreams, my desires.   He knows what's up when I don't and for that I am grateful. 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Saturday, November 12, 2011

ABC, 123

The start of my endeavors in the culinary world began here.  Cranberry Sauce.  Every Thanksgiving, since I was seven, I was in charge of the cranberry sauce.  1 cup water, 1 cup sugar, 1 bag of cranberries.  I will forever have that etched into my memory.  I think if I ever suffered an illness or injury that resulted in a loss of memory, I could still make cranberry sauce.  Thanksgiving, for this reason is the height of my baking season.  I. love. fall. food.  Pumpkin? Cranberries? Apples? Can it get any better?  The answer is no.  (That was not really a rhetorical question or one where you had the option of disagreeing with me.  It's my blog people.)  So today I get to go to a pumpkin fest, where we cook and share fall recipes.  I chose pumpkin butter, spiced apple drop cookies and this cranberry upside-down cake that I found from Browneyedbaker.  The cranberries were a tribute to my roots, a reminder of who I am, what has made me, me.


It began with a VERY well buttered spring-form pan (2 tablespoons if you really want to know), a layer of 1/2 cups sugar with 1 teaspoon of cinnamon and 1/2 teaspoon allspice.  Over all that? Cranberries.  Oh yeah baby!



Then? Some batter.  I mixed 1 1/4 cups all purpose flour, 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder, 1/4 teaspoon salt, 1/2 cup sugar, 6 tablespoons of butter, 1 egg, 1/2 cup of milk, 2 teaspoons vanilla.  You know the drill, sugar and butter, then wet (minus milk), then dry, then milk.


Mixed and poured on top.  Confession?  At this point, I looked at the batter and thought, there is noooo way this is gonna be enough.  Feeling too lazy to make more, this was not going to be good. But...


Guess what? It was enough! I know I had you all worried.  I apologize for the anxiety I may have caused. If you were truly traumatized, I will make you an apologetic cranberry upside-down cake. Happy?
   

350 degrees and 35 minutes later? Ta-da! Oh man, I love fall! P.S. did you know that until this year I claimed summer as my favorite season?  True story! But then I realized that the fall foods, scarves and boots really made fall my favorite season and I had been denying myself claim to the best season ever. I. love. fall. 

O.K., so remember in the beginning of this blog when I was getting all sentimental over cranberries and the ooshy-gooshy back to my roots?  Well here is why:  this week I have been baking a lot and thinking a lot.  Still as unaware of the next steps on this path of mine, I was drawn back to the basics.  The basics of God's love for us, God's plan for our lives, God's goodness and the sweet blessing of His provision.  So often, the uncertainties of life draw us back to those simple truths that roll off our tongues in the good seasons without a second thought and they sound so much bigger.  To grasp these "simple" truths in these times seems difficult.  I am grateful however, that these are ingrained in my memory much like the cranberry sauce recipe.  God does love us.  God does have a plan for our lives.  God is good. God provides. 

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him." Psalm 34:8

Saturday, November 5, 2011

From Scratch

I have been blessed with an incredible chapter on this journey uncharted.  The map from here is unknown but I am hopeful and trusting in a God who loves with a love that is furious as my man, Jeremy Riddle sings, a God who knows the deep desires of my heart and delights in blessing me. So I'm waiting in faith for what is to come. 

This is my blank slate. My canvas.  How about a devil's chocolate cake canvas?  Typical me, when I am in need of deep processing and meditation, I have some bake therapy.  Today, the therapy was at my summer camp and my victims were two unsuspecting user groups.  Group 1: 25 women who traveled all the way to camp to quilt.  Yeah, that's right. Quilt.  For the record, these people mean business!  I walked by at 12 pm, there were people quilting.  On my way to work at 6:30, quilting.  I would like you to know that I value sleep very little, buuuut I would definitely choose sleep over a quilt. 



So naturally, a quilter needs a cake with a quilt on it.  If all quilts involved caramel and chocolate, I might just change my mind about quilting.


A layered quilt cake.  Betcha can't do that on a sewing machine! Feeling accomplished and also slightly tempted to finally dig into one of my creations, it was time to move on.  Group 2? Nothing like group one.  Try 90 crazy high schoolers and their youth leaders (who pretty much act like high schoolers by profession) at a Harry Potter themed retreat. 

So, I decide these lovely youth need a piped frosting creation.  I regretted this decision about this far into the piping project.  I contemplated other hobbies, but then remembered that other hobbies were things like quilting and sports that require coordination I do not have so I kept piping.


End result? The monster book from Harry Potter.  Eyes? Check! Bookmark tongue? Check! A massive amount of sugar on top to send these kiddos into a sugar coma as they consume these along with the pumpkin pasties and butterbeer? Double check.  Seriously people, butterbeer is cream soda with butter, brown sugar, heavy whipping cream, and a few other things all topped with a dollop of whipped cream.  Sugar rush inevitable.  Also convincing me that if you could develop Diabetes over night, this would do it for you.


Piping.  Not something I will ever do again to this degree on a cake of this size.  Bad life choice.  But its so fluffy (It's so fluffy, I'm gonna dieeee!)! So the perfectionist in me desiring a wonderfully fluffy monster cake was glad for the piping (while my hands were not). Details.

So, now at the end of the day, I now sit here.  I am wishing my life canvas were as complete as my cake canvas because the unknown is not always a comfortable place to be.  But I relieved to know there is an end, there is a plan, and a God who knows whats up when I don't.

"And the LORD will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water whose waters do not fail." Isaiah 58:11

 




Thursday, October 13, 2011

Does anyone have a checklist for things you need to do to be type-B?

I am type-A.  Hyper type-A.  Trying to be type-B is difficult.  I cling to lists, schedules, budgets and plans.  Life somehow has a funny way of making all of the above go awry though.  For those situations, God invented frozen yogurt and a cozy bed.  And in the mean time I would like to report that I successfully made it through an off-schedule day.  One of the many unscheduled events was a going away party for one of my students.  This student will truly be missed.  Why?
Reason 1:
This student wrote me a letter every day talking about how he liked me, how he liked being in my class, etc.  Adorable letters, really, and sometimes even cartoons.  Then, one day he got in an argument with one of his classmates and I handled their argument with a "Welp, you're a big boy, work it out!"  He didn't like my answer.  So, his letter the next day?  Dear Ms. A, today I am not writing you a letter because I am mad.  Love, Me.  Classic.  (Fear not, after this not-letter letter? He continued with nice letters, although the not-letter letter DID make me chuckle).
Reason 2:
This student had the most enthusiastic attitude of any 7 year old I have EVER met.  He would come in to sharpen pencils at the beginning of the day and rattle off all of the day's occurrences.  He would talk for 20 minutes and I am not even sure he ever stopped to talk a breath.
Reason 3:
Today, during his going away party, he asked to share 2 magic tricks with the class.  Neither worked, but both were attempted multiple times with a final concession that magic works better at home.
So? Buh-bye, my little ray of sunshine! You will be missed! 

I am still in the hunt for the next baking project, but I feel it might be a cooking project.  I, the vegetarian, will be hosting a carnivore for a few weeks and I feel that my adventures into the world of cooking meat will be documentable to say the least.  I have begun my mad clipping of recipe after recipe and even have this new cool addiction otherwise known as Pinterest to aide in this adventure.  We will see how it goes...  You never know, I may end up sleep walking and try to free the chicken tenders from the fridge in my sleep.  Ok, probably not because that has nothing to do with why I am a vegetablearian, but it is going to be bloggable.  So I guess I should get one of those bumper stickers and just tweak it a little bit to make it say: for every chicken I don't eat, I'll cook 3?  Yup, sounds about right.

In honor of all you carnivores out there.  I will finish with a joke (y'all know I love my cheese).
Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef!
Ha... ha... ha...

Peace, y'all!

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Its all over your face.

For the record, I never need an excuse to bake but I also rarely actually consume what I bake and so I need some taste testers.  Luckily, I teach and I have hungry little mouths greeting me every day so every once in a while I mix them up a little treat.  Today's treat was hamburger cupcakes which I had mentioned making in a previous blog.  I had made a resolution to begin including my recipes but this recipe has not been perfected for our mile-high location so this will be more a how to.  What you need?  A recipe for a white cupcake, I used a vanilla cupcake with a light spring feel.  Its almost fall, but who cares. None of my students said ummmm this cupcake has more of a spring feel to it, I would have gone for some more fall spicing, so I think I'm golden.  Before you bake the cupcake, sprinkle some sesame seeds on top to give it that bun-y feel.  Bake it then slice that baby in half.  Wa-ching! (I felt it needed a sound affect and  I didn't know the sound for a bread knife so you got a machete.  Details, people.)


Now you have successfully sliced cupcake and it is time for the burger (and yes I am aware that this is a slightly odd project for a vegetarian to be doing, and no I did not eat my imitation burger cupcakes because it did in fact weird me out if you were wondering.)  Take a chocolate butter cream (way to delicious and easy to just get a tub of frosting, 4 ingredients people.)  To ice the cupcake, put the frosting in a frosting bag and use the 1M tip. Make sure to be messy so you can lick your fingers upon completion. 


Lettuce anyone?  How about some green food coloring mixed into coconut.  Yup.  Win.  I recently converted to the gel food colorings.  They are cooler.  To be honest, I don't even know the benefit to using it verses the liquid, but its cool.  All the cool people could potentially be doing it, so I am to. 


Whats left?  Well this one you can decide on.  I went for a raspberry jam ketchup.  Some I have seen use butter cream died red and yellow, which in hindsight might be the route I take next time.  There will be a next time because this perfectionist has not yet perfected this recipe.  Plus, there is an apartment warming party to be had.



Upon completion, put the top back on the cupcake.  Want a little rebellious baking fun?  Don't put the top on the cupcake you got it from.  Troublebaking, I'm pretty sure it is right up there with buying a motorcycle or sneaking into an outdoor pool after 10, right?  I'm such a rebel...


Face shoving.  It is the only thing left to do.


Unless you rocked the face shoving and you got a little somethin somethin on that chin o' yours.

Peace, love, and yuuuuum!
-Me