Dentures, depends and desserts.

Titles can be misleading.  Everyone has been recommending (and by everyone I mean random people on Pinterest I don't even know who have been deciding my most recent culinary endeavors) this recipe called "I want to marry you" cookies.  I have decided that the title is missing an important piece.  I am choosing to call these cookies "I want to marry you quick because pretty soon all of the butter in this recipe will go to my hips and then you won't want to marry me anymore" cookies.

 

The butter that left it's shiny trace on each fingertip was a gentle reminder that while these cookies contained oatmeal, they are a negative five on the health scale.  It is recipes like these that make me excited to get old because when I am old and retired with my own little bakery, I plan on eating whatever I want.  Ice cream for breakfast.  Everyday.  For lunch too.  Maybe dinner.  I deserve to celebrate each breath I continue to take, and I plan on celebrating with tons of the things I said no to while eating my greens in my 20's when it mattered.  I think I need a Pinboard reserved for the recipes I will make for myself when I am 80 and there is zero hope for me ever having a six pack.  I'm not going to say that I won't enjoy a salad or two when I am older, but my rigid diet will not be a priority.  I will eat what I want when I want and lick the plate when I finish.  I will make many much "I want to marry you" cookies drenched in butter and own at least 5 ice cream makers to ensure that I have a wealth of ice cream selections available to me at all times. 

Among the many things I dream about doing when I'm old like opening my own bakery and having brightly colored sweat suits for doing Jazzercize, I am excited to grow old with someone.  I may let go of nutrition and adopt ice cream as my sole nutrient but love is something that will not be relinquished.    Bouquets, letters and sweet moments walking hand in hand will crescendo into a beautiful symphony of romance as we get old and prune-y together.  It will be beautiful.  So, I wait for the days of my frozen dairy diet and watch God's plan unfold in the process, enjoy every rabbit meal I nibble at and smell the flowers delivered to me today with the scent bright promises. 

"And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."   Romans 8:28



No peeps were harmed in the making of this bread.

On lovely days like today, there is nothing better than a trip up to the mountains.  Mountains give perspective of a world that is much bigger than the little bubble we call our reality that often consumes us.  Mountains are big, so they kind of force you to get over yourself for a minute or two.  I got up to camp today to discover that they were serving a silent retreat for a user group.  As a rule, I don't succeed at silence.  I chose to be illiterate and continue talking.  Mark Twain says there is little difference between one who chooses not to read and one who can't, so I think I'll follow his philosophy today and ignore the signs.  These same silent people also had a dietary request list longer than the Nile, so it was time to get creative in the kitchen.  This was my adventure into vegan zucchini bread.  It took some hunting to find a recipe I could use, because I don't carry things like coconut oil and cocoa nibs on my person (while that might be surprising to you). With a few tweaks for being at altitude, the bread turned out yum-o-rrific.

Here is my zucchini bread in all of its vegan glory.  The silent people seem to like it.  I didn't hear any cheering or hooting and hollering in its honor but it's disappeared off the plate as I typed, so I'll take that as a "yum". 

Maybe today I am not minding the quiet so much though.  I am attempting to ween myself off of caffeine.  Note:  I am not giving up caffeine, but am sure that a daily diet of 40 oz. of coffee, 20 oz. of Rockstars, 40 oz. of Pepsi Max, and a few cups of tea a day can't be good for you.  I don't know how it always gets this bad.  It starts innocently enough with one cup of coffee at the beginning of the school year each day and then just expands.  It's my winter activity. Bears hibernate in the winter; I caffeinate.  It's about this time of year when I add up my caffeine intake and decide that I should share the wealth.  I could use up the world's supply and people might get irate.  Nobody wants that.  So today, my one Rockstar and 20 oz. of coffee is the limit.  My pounding head is reminding me of my detoxing, and is welcoming the mutes.  Plus, thanks to the mutes, I now have another vegan baking recipe in my pocket (the pocket where I apparently also need to start carrying cocoa nibs and coconut oil so I can try this recipe instead). 

Speaking of vegans, peeps are vegan, I believe.  Peeps are also weird.  I put them in the category of things-I-can't-believe-I-begged-for-as-a-kid, along with twinkies, beans-and-weenies, and going to Casa Bonita.  They are taunting me every time I enter any supermarket since Easter is coming.  I don't think I will ever understand the revolution of Peeps (which are now not only a staple Easter treat but coming in different colors and being even made into pumpkins and Christmas trees).  They are like a virus, invading all of the holidays.  I would have killed a few peeps to make this recipe, but it did not call for them.  You are safe today, Peeps.  Next time? Maybe not so much.  If a student of mine gives me some this year, as has happened in the past Easters, I will politely say, "Thank you, dear student, that is so thoughtful!" and then take them home and leave the package open "accidentally" until they are too stale to eat and throw them away.  Can't eat stale food, right?  (That's my justification so I don't feel bad for not eating a gift from a student.)  Were you thinking of giving me peeps?  Now you know that is a bad life choice.  When in doubt? Chocolate. Many much chocolate.  Or even better? Give me Jesus.  That's what Easter is all about anyways.  Thanking Jesus today for all of His glory.  Glory that is more than I can fathom.  Glory that kicks the butt of any pillow-y sugared chick we call a Peep. 

"The Son radiates God's own glory and expresses the very character of God, and he sustains everything by the mighty power of his command. When he had cleansed us from our sins, he sat down in the place of honor at the right hand of the majestic God in heaven." Hebrews 1:3

I tried shamrocks and horseshoes but cheesecakes are luckier.

I am just curious exactly how much green food dye you all think is sold in the month of March?  Like is this something I should by stock in every February and sell back in April?  Its kind of amazing.  Thanks to Pinterest, the green food dye obsession was not limited to an alcoholic beverage, it was baked into things.  Many much things.  I chose to convert this cheesecake from a red velvet one to a green velvet one.  I usually pass up on eating my desserts and it is not because they are bad but mostly because I have the will power gnat.  (Just so you know: I started writing the phrase "I have the will power of a..." and then I had no idea of something that had little will power, so then I googled it and the first thing to pop up was will power of a mature dandelion.  Huh.)  This dessert, however, passed my lips.  I must admit it because the recipe called for 2 bottles of food coloring and you were left with a green tongue so I cannot deny its consumption.  It was delicious.  It would be glorious to make it every month and dye it a new color.  What color is April Fools? or could I do tri-colored for Cinco de Mayo?  Oh the possibilities! 

In all of my research for my St. Patties bake-a-thon, I was challenged by someones comment in my online recipe hunt who said that green food dye was a weak attempt at Irish creativity.  I am competitive.  You had better believe I scoured through recipes to do a "one up" on St. Patties Day treats.  So I met this fine young recipe for Irish Coffee Blondies.  Oh yes.  It happened.  Two monumental things occurred for the baking of this treat.  Monumental thing #1: I learned how to make brown sugar.  It may have been monumental enough that I was out of a baking ingredient, since my supply is usually great when it comes to these things.  But I was OUT OF BROWN SUGAR.  I was not out of Google however, so I googled a recipe for brown sugar and made it.  Turns out all it is is granulated sugar and molasses.  Win.  Life moved on.  Monumental thing #2: I had to buy whisky.  I needed 2 tbsp. for the icing.  I bought what I later, lacking the proper terminology, described to my roommate a baby bottle of whisky (apparently is called a shooter).  In case you are ever wondering: these said shooters have 4 tbsp. of whisky.  Now you know.  So I did not help the green food dye stocks in the making of this blondie, but I did help my competitive spirit.  Take that random person who I read online.  I win! 

I finished with a celebratory lunch.  Roasted red pepper and carrot soup was a glorious tribute to my protestant ways on this day.  I added some snap peas. Awwww look at those catholics and protestants being friends and sharing the bowl! 

Between these endeavors and the surprise leprechaun party I threw for my kiddos on Friday, yes friends, St. Patrick's Day was a celebration to be repeated.  I already have new recipes in mind to try for next year and research to do on the profit made from investing in food dye. 

The food was a success and I think the leprechauns put a little magic inside every bite I ate, because it has resulted in two consecutive days that were genuinely good from start to end.  Loving life is a beautiful thing.  As Elf would say, "Smiling is my favorite," and I would have to agree.  It's not always easy though.  Lately, I have been challenged with that.  When circumstances change, the smile does not always shine with ease.  Many times challenges and loss revert even the most dignified of people into why-me-ers, foot-stompers and fist-pounders.  It also often creates a wondering about God and His goodness if such a thing was able to happen.  I think one would be hard pressed to find someone who has not had this wondering at one time or another.  Today, in light of that wondering, I have been encouraged by this:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you...^. Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." James 1:2-6,12

Encouraged by His promise and feeling a little luck o the Irish,

Me

When life gives you lemons... bake them into things.

In my mind there is little debate about the best dessert ingredient.  While this blog is about lemons, lemons do not take the title home.  The obvious answer is chocolate.  People who disagree are freaks of nature and I find you difficult to understand.  With this in mind, I was invited to bake gourmet desserts for a banquet up at camp in two weeks.  If it were up to me I would make three desserts that are chocolate in one variation or another, but some people prefer other things so I had to play with some not-chocolate dessert options.  One of my experiments resulted in the purchasing of meyer lemons.  I bought massive amounts of them because when I go up to camp to bake, the nearest grocery store is 20 minutes away so I stock up to avoid a mid-bake emergency trip to the grocery store.  I came home from camp with a good 10 extra lemons and no idea what to do with them.  Life didn't necessarily give me these lemons, I had willfully purchased them, but I had to figure out what to do with them, so bake-fest began.  I went on trusty Pinterest and the lemon-y treats were plenty, beginning with these Lemon Burst cookies.  Funny thing?  I found the recipe and it was ridiculously easy but did not require a single actual meyer lemon to make it thanks to the lemon cake mix.  10-0=10, so I was still stuck with 10 lemons. Quite the conundrum.  Your heart goes out to me, I'm sure. 

 

My pinning frenzy resulted in some sweet roll and cinnamon roll recipes however that did an adequate job of depleting my lemon supply.  They also depleted my time for sleep as I went to bed at 1:30am on a school night, but that surprises no one since I'll choose about any activity over sleep except maybe running (whether its from a bear or for "leisure").  I made blueberry cinnamon rolls, meyer lemon sticky rolls, and straight up cinnamon rolls (because all experiments need a control, right?). 

Exhibit A: Blueberry Cinnamon Rolls

Exhibit B: Meyer Lemon Sticky Rolls

Exhibit C: Straight Up Cinnamon Rolls

The sweet roll project used 4 lemons.  10-4=6 (admiring my math skills? bet so!).  Experimentation continued.  Lemon poppy seed bread was an obvious choice.  Using my favorite cookbook, Pie in the Sky, for the recipe was another obvious choice.  The beauty of these choices is that it resulted in a delicious treat which my kiddos enjoyed while it snowed! Seriously, who doesn't love shoving your mouth full of bread on a snowy day?  I'm a fan of it.  So were my students.

The result of all of these endeavors was one remaining meyer lemon, which was lacking a peel, since I used it for zesting.  I can feel good about my use of all of the lemons because even the leftover one got used somehow.  Not like I-used-all-of-the-buffalo-I-hunted-including-the-eyeballs good, but good. It turned out to be a tasty endeavor, although if the lemon man and chocolate man had to duke it out, I am still gonna put my money on chocolate man.

Sometimes life is full of lemons.  I am in a season of lots of lemons and life lemons aren't really the kind of lemons you can bake into delicious things (trust me, I would if I could).  There are not sufficient inspirational quotes or tubs of ice cream for some of the things life can throw at us.  Sickness, brokenness, and death are unfortunately things that no one is a stranger to.  In the midst of these seasons, it is so easy to throw tantrums, to question, to wrestle with reality or retreat.  We disdain the presence of these lemons and curse their existence.  I'm not gonna say that they compare to the challenge of finding the use of 10 measly meyer lemons that called to me from the fridge because they don't, but I am gonna say that the result is sweet, much like these desserts.  As it turns out, these life lemons challenge us to identify our purpose, mold us to be a better version of ourselves and give perspective to what is already in our lives and its value.  I told you, pretty sweet, right?  I would also like to mention that it is calorie-free sweet (and that's not because I made up a fake rule about it), so that's a double win.  As you are reading this, you might be wondering why I am getting so emo, since  my usual style is not this-belongs-on-a-hallmark-card but you also might be reading this in the midst of some big life lemons like me wanting to have a fist-pounding temper tantrum like me and needing some encouragement.

So today, be reminded that life lemons serve a purpose, what we go through is not in vain, our circumstances to not define us, and we are being sculpted into something beautiful through the process.  As a sculptor sculpts, it uses a chisel.  Chisels are not smooth and delicate objects; they are sharp and probably could be added as a weapon in the game of Clue.  Each chunk the sculptor carves from the rock is removed with force, but the end result is a masterpiece.  You are the Sculptor's work of art and the finished piece will be a thing of beauty, bringing glory to it's Creator.

"I have refined you, but not as silver is refined.   Rather, I have refined you in the furnace of suffering. I will rescue you for my sake— yes, for my own sake! I will not let my reputation be tarnished, and I will not share my glory with idols!" Isaiah 48:10-11

Donut you want some of this?

Yesterday, some people played football. Anyone watch?  I was too busy in the kitchen.  My chef-in-crime and I made a Superbowl feast, complete with a full assortment of apps and desserts.  I called my mom after the game and she asked me who won the game (of course she hadn't watched the game either which proves that I am my mother's daughter).  Though I had thrown a Superbowl party, I couldn't even tell her who had won.  I knew the jersey colors (because naturally some food has to be sporting the colors of each team) but couldn't tell her the names of the teams or anything.  This is not something I am ashamed to admit.  Our party rocked!  We now also have an official name for our duo: Reinas de la Kitchen.  The perfect tribute to our Mexican-American heritage (seriously some days you can't tell which one of us is the Mexican and which is the gringa).  Don't worry, we even made t-shirts.  Oh yeah. We are that cool. We are also that type-A.  Our party spread had been pinned for two months, we researched recipes, created and edited the pinboard multiple times, made massive lists and then cooked away.  Our spread included spinach artichoke dip, guacamole and chips, stuffed mushrooms, bacon potato bites, sliders, wings, pinwheels, chip 'n' dip cookies, brownies, cake pops and your usual suspects (m&m's, veggie trays, and chips).  Definite win. (Except the mini hot dog buns that we aren't going to talk about because they worked 3 weeks ago in the trial run but did not work all three times I attempted to make them this weekend and I used the same everything and I just really don't know what happened and when it failed I really just wanted to throw myself to the ground and have a tantrum like a two year old but saved it for the typed tantrum version that you just experienced in the form of run-on venting sentence.  Sorry you had to witness that.)  Other than the buns? Awesomeness happened.  I have changed my mind about football games, but only because it results in conning more victims to eat your experiments.   It is still a boring game.  I read somewhere the average football game is about 12 minutes of actual game time.  A cake takes 30-45 minutes.  A cake has more action than a football game. 

The beauty throwing big parties is always the leftovers.  Left over veggies naturally lent themselves to toppings for a breakfast-for-dinner omelet adventure, which we enjoyed today.  Donuts, which  are a food I do not usually enjoy, were requested for the occasion.  I do not own a donut pan, but not owning a culinary tool has never been a stopping point for me.  Donut pan was purchased.  Good thing the request was around Valentine's Day, because they were selling heart-shaped donut pans! Jealous? You probably should be.  While currently I am not enamored with the stores' plastering of hearts throughout every nook and cranny, I couldn't resist.  Hearts equal cuteness.

See? Doesn't that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?  Thought so.  

Then, much to my surprise, I actually liked these Mexican Hot Chocolate Donuts.  They were light and fluffy and made you feel like you were snuggling with puppies or something with every bite.  I think I could reconsider my stance on donuts after these, but since I only do one treat a week, it doesn't hold much of a candle to the other contenders.

The best part was that the directions to these donuts had an option for blow-torch use. You had better believe I own one of those, except I have been afraid to use it until now.  It is supposedly dummy-proof so I took it out tonight to try it, but unfortunately it is dummy-proof and I couldn't figure it out. Wah wah wahhhh.  Blow torch: 1 Me: 0.  I guess there is always a creme brulee to make to christen my blow torch.  But being type-A, you know I had a plan-B for my poor little donuts (aka the broil setting on the oven) and they turned out more than just fine. Sometimes plan-B isn't so bad, you know?  Tonight was a great reminder of that.  I think I am going on plan-M right now in real life but I am grateful for the assurance that just like this donut, I too will be made into something beautiful and that every difficult thing will result in good.

"We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."  Romans 5:3-5

I'm standing on that promise today, but more immediately sleeping on that promise because it is now 12:16 and those kids won't teach themselves. (Well, they might but it might not be the correct information. I'm quality control).

Good night!

My instant gratification is taking 0.5 seconds too long to get here.

Waiting.  Not always a fan of it.  To give you some examples of how little of a fan I can be of waiting at times take example 1:
I was cooking dinner with my friend Amy on Thursday.  We were cooking this bomb cauliflower pizza crust (for clarification purposes, it is not bomb as in an explosive but bomb as in amazing, really good, you probably should make this in your near future) and while reading through the directions, it asked me to rice the cauliflower and then microwave it for 8 minutes. (For further clarification, I am not a microwave chef, this was one step in the recipe and I didn't want to waiver because it was my first attempt at the recipe.)  I reread the directions, thinking, wait, 8 MINUTES?! I put it in the microwave because I am a rule follower to the core but was tempted to take it out of the microwave every 17 seconds, thinking to myself, they couldn't really mean 8 minutes, right? 

If this has not succeeded in convincing you in my dislike of waiting, take example 2:
I was hungry yesterday.  You know, it happens.  I looked in my pantry and quickly selected a packet of oatmeal to eat.  (So I know you are probably expecting that my next sentence will be adding water and under-microwaving my oatmeal because I couldn't wait for it to cook thoroughly, but its worse, just wait.)  I opened up the package, grabbed a spoon and dug in.  Please people, oatmeal takes too long.  That's 2 minutes of my precious time.

So naturally, some recipes I avoid creating as a result of my dislike of this art known as waiting. Bread is usually on the list except we needed to have mini hot dog buns that were 1.5 inches in length, which are not sold at any supermarket in the 303.

This sweet ball of dough was rising for 3 hours to double.  3. Hours.  Good thing I am a multitasker and I check about 23 things off of my to-do list in those 3 hours.

Then you take that ball of dough, mold it into mini hot dog buns and let it rise for another hour.  Are you counting?  That's 4 hours so far.  Waiting.  Mucho.  Remember how I talked about that spiritual six pack I am working on last time? On top of the actual one I am working on courtesy of Jillian Michaels.  Yeah these mini hot dog buns are definitely an exercise of that.  I am slowly becoming a pro-waiter.

And it was worth it.  See? Ain't that a cute little bun?  All 1.5 inches of fluffiness?  You know you want some... I pulled them out of the oven and immediately quoted Despicable Me's "It's so fluffy, I'm gonna die!" They were adorable. Tres chic.   Yeah, I even learned a French phrase to encapsulate exactly how cool they were (and am now crossing my fingers hoping some French speaker doesn't rat me out if I used it incorrectly).

So, I guess sometimes the wait was worth it.  It resulted in the cutest dinner I have eaten in my life.  (And yes I am aware that is not the usual adjective that accompanies a dinner, but it was just that, cute.)  Waiting, while not preferred, can bring something more worthwhile than anticipated.  I'm not going to lie, I haven't gotten that much closer to enjoying waiting and would rather not be waiting as I currently am but such is life.  But until I get that spiritual six pack, I guess I've got some more "life crunches" coming my way  (sorry, lame wording but it had to happen and you are the sucker who chose to reach my blog so deal with it).  You can't even microwave a life-lesson for 8 minutes although I sure wish I could on every day that ends in y, and especially in the last approximately 4.42 days. I am grateful, however, that in my lack of patience I can rest in a Strength much stronger than mine, and I think I'll accept that.

"Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Psalm 27:14

Love y'all!

Me

Boot Camp: If Cookie Baking Were an Obstacle Course

Some of the most awkward conversations happen while checking out at stores.  Standing in line at Costco with my mom and grandma yesterday, we began talking to the cashier.  He was a youngin (well early twenties) and mentioned the fact that he was hungry.  He told his co-worker, "Man, I need to stop eating out and start cooking at home more but I just don't like to cook."  To that, my mom said, "...or just marry someone who cooks."  The response, "You see, I don't really know people from our generation who cook."  My mom quickly offered, "My daughter does."  He stared at me.  I stared at my feet.  It got reeeeaaaaal awkward.  While my mom was just trying to prove a point, he thought she was trying to set us up and since there are not I-have-a-boyfriend rings, how was he to know the difference?  Excellent.  My life is awkward.  I think the reason I always buy cute shoes is because they are an excellent distraction to look at during awkward moments.  The awkward moment happens, you need something to look at besides the witnesses to the awkward moment, the floor is the instinctual place to look and when you do? BAM! Cute shoes! Awkward moment forgotten.  I have a lot of awkward moments ergo a lot of cute shoes.  Justification.

In all reality though, having a spouse that cooks is a definite win.  I suppose you could call the last few weeks of my life wife-in-training boot camp.  I have made a ridiculous amount of food.  Ridiculous.

Pinterest is not helping curb my culinary cooking splurges either.  I can now not only think about things I might make but oogle over them and put them into categories, which sends me right to type-A heaven.  So, what have I been cooking recently? First, it started with my cookie boxes.  I made some Dark Chocolate Thumbprints, Gingerbread Biscotti, Oreo Cheesecake Cookies. Peppermint Sugar Cookies, Red Velvet Cookies, Eggnog Cookies, Caramel Apple Cider Cookies, Chocolate Peppermint Cookies, sugar cookies, chocolate chip cookies, spritz cookies, pecan nut balls and the final cookie that makes Christmas official for me... molasses crinkles.  Overboard? Probably.  Necessary? Oh yes.  In case you are curious, I made 3 separate cookie assortments so each box did not get everything but I had fun.

At level 2, I moved onto the holiday meals.  I had a Christmas party with some friends.  Weeks before, a pinboard was created with all of the recipes.  Wife in training boot camp level two entailed: Lasagna Cupcakes, Toasted Ravioli, Zucchini Fries, Stuffed Mushrooms, Italian Meatballs (and let me tell you what a sight it is to see a vegetarian kneading through a bunch of raw meat), finished with some Pizza Egg Rolls. 

Level three? Random acts of hosting, including but not limited to: Breakfast Cookies, Eggnog Tres Leches Cake, Spicy Banana Zucchini Balls, Chicken Pot Pie and my all-time favorite: Eggplant Parmesan. 

Level four of the training program is still in process because this year I have overtaken the Christmas dinner.  There are lots of levels to wife-in-training boot camp.  It's kind of like Angry Birds that way.  Let the adventures begin!

 Alongside wife-in-training boot camp, I have begun another type of training but this kind is a little more figure-friendly called Jillian Michael's 6 Week Six Pack.  You need to know that I mostly judge work out DVDs and write them off for a weak excuse of a workout.  This DVD? Yeah, not so much.  I want to die and say not very nice things to the t.v. screen while I am doing it.  I am a gym rat and work out all the time and this DVD still kills me.  But I do it.  Even if I want to die.  Jillian even says in the video, "You may feel like you're going to die right now. You're not.  You're going to look ridiculous. That's what you are gonna do."  I better look ridiculous in six weeks or else. I can't figure out what exactly the or else is going to be, but I guess I have 5 weeks and 2 days to think about it.  All I know is that I better build some brute strength during these six weeks to fight all the people who will fight me for feeding them all of my cookies and finishing the cookie season with a six pick if Jillian pulls through and I get me one of those with her DVD. 

All of this training and I am excited to see the payoff.  I love the talents God has given me and am now spending my time making myself the best me I can be for His glory.  Somethings are selfish (like the six pack) but my training is allowing me to show hospitality to those He puts in my life.  That, I can dig. 

I love the idea of being in training, of being refined by fire for God's purposes, to become the famously quoted woman of virtue in Proverbs 31.  I think someday, it will come in handy.

^"10A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
¹¹ Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
¹² She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
¹³ She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
¹⁵ She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family

¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
¹⁸ She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
²⁰ She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
²¹ When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
²⁶ She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
²⁷ She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
³¹ Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate."

Proverbs 31:10-31 



Happy cookie season!
From,
The Troublebaker

Visions of Sugar Plums

I. love. Christmas.  There are a litany of things that make that statement true, including but not limited to: Christmas carols, the smell of pine tree smacking you in the face as you walk in your door, and (something I am sure you are not surprised by) the baking of Christmas cookies and plenty of willing victims for my bake fests with a legitimate excuse to bake something for them.  Yes, friends.  I. Love. Christmas.  While it comes with its pitfalls, which is a list that mostly just includes over-commercialization and fruit cake, Christmas is a great season.  I couldn't WAIT to start baking for Christmas.  Some people agonize over when is too early to put up decorations or blast their Christmas carols, but I always wonder, how early is too early to make holiday treats?  I even devoted an entire pinboard to it.  Well? This year I had to wait until December 2nd, but it was worth every bit of wait.  I kicked off the holiday season baking for a banquet and auction.  It all began with some Christmas Swirl Tea Cakes. 

Nothing says Christmas like a swirly-twirly cake!  This was a 1,2,3,4 cake (which is your basic recipe of 1 cup butter, 2 cups sugar, 3 cups flour and 4 eggs (then some salt, baking soda and vanilla) buuuuut being the troublebaker that I am and also being that I was at high altitude, my 1,2,3,4 cake was actually a 1, 2 (minus 2 tablespoons), 3 (add two tablespoons), 5 recipe.  So naughty...

Then the cakes were "tea-d" (as in cut into 1-inch squares and decorated).  A third got the lovely white chocolate glaze with hollies, but the rest were a creation due to the oh-crap-we-are-out-of-white-chocolate-chips-thanks-to-the-almond-coconut-bombs-I-made-last-night-and-we-are-in-the-middle-of-no-where-and-it-just-snowed-10-more-inches thing that sometimes happens. 

Creation 2 was a chocolate drizzle with red and green M & M's.  I don't think people were complaining at the change.  There were none left.

Creation 3 was a white chocolate drizzle, butter cream frosting and coconut to pay tribute to this great snow which almost left me trapped in this wonderful winter wonderland. 

Finally, were the cookies.  Two kinds were made.  First we had the buckeyes.  Since, they don't require baking, I guess they don't really count as cookies, but I have no other name for them besides balls of fat.  I don't think if you said to someone, "Hey, want to have a ball of fat?' however, anyone would actually accept.  Buckeyes.  A ball of peanut butter, butter, sugar and vanilla dipped in a chocolate coating of chocolate chips and shortening.  Yeah, ball of fat sounds like an appropriate name.  The others Coconut Almond Bombs.  They were increeeeeedible.  Okay, so I didn't actually try one, but the smell was incredible, they were all eaten up, and one of the men at the banquet tried a bite, then made everyone standing around him take a bite of his cookie because he thought it was that good.  I have decided to adopt this recipe for my family's cookie tray.  Since Christmas is a celebration, and therefore all foods are 0 calories , I will stuff my face full of them.  Looks like I've got me a new countdown... Count down to cookie-shoving-in-face!

Yup, Christmas is pretty swell.  I am looking forward to this season, I have dreams of what is to come in the upcoming year.  Plans? Not so much yet.  But visions?  Oh yeah.  Of things a little more than sugar plums.  Wishes? Oh yeah.  Of things a little more than my two front teeth.  All the while, I am grateful for a God who has greater visions then I can imagine and who gives us two front teeth and then some.  God is good.

Merry Christmas, y'all!

ABC, 123

The start of my endeavors in the culinary world began here.  Cranberry Sauce.  Every Thanksgiving, since I was seven, I was in charge of the cranberry sauce.  1 cup water, 1 cup sugar, 1 bag of cranberries.  I will forever have that etched into my memory.  I think if I ever suffered an illness or injury that resulted in a loss of memory, I could still make cranberry sauce.  Thanksgiving, for this reason is the height of my baking season.  I. love. fall. food.  Pumpkin? Cranberries? Apples? Can it get any better?  The answer is no.  (That was not really a rhetorical question or one where you had the option of disagreeing with me.  It's my blog people.)  So today I get to go to a pumpkin fest, where we cook and share fall recipes.  I chose pumpkin butter, spiced apple drop cookies and this cranberry upside-down cake that I found from Browneyedbaker.  The cranberries were a tribute to my roots, a reminder of who I am, what has made me, me.

It began with a VERY well buttered spring-form pan (2 tablespoons if you really want to know), a layer of 1/2 cups sugar with 1 teaspoon of cinnamon and 1/2 teaspoon allspice.  Over all that? Cranberries.  Oh yeah baby!

Then? Some batter.  I mixed 1 1/4 cups all purpose flour, 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder, 1/4 teaspoon salt, 1/2 cup sugar, 6 tablespoons of butter, 1 egg, 1/2 cup of milk, 2 teaspoons vanilla.  You know the drill, sugar and butter, then wet (minus milk), then dry, then milk.

Mixed and poured on top.  Confession?  At this point, I looked at the batter and thought, there is noooo way this is gonna be enough.  Feeling too lazy to make more, this was not going to be good. But...

Guess what? It was enough! I know I had you all worried.  I apologize for the anxiety I may have caused. If you were truly traumatized, I will make you an apologetic cranberry upside-down cake. Happy?
   

350 degrees and 35 minutes later? Ta-da! Oh man, I love fall! P.S. did you know that until this year I claimed summer as my favorite season?  True story! But then I realized that the fall foods, scarves and boots really made fall my favorite season and I had been denying myself claim to the best season ever. I. love. fall. 

O.K., so remember in the beginning of this blog when I was getting all sentimental over cranberries and the ooshy-gooshy back to my roots?  Well here is why:  this week I have been baking a lot and thinking a lot.  Still as unaware of the next steps on this path of mine, I was drawn back to the basics.  The basics of God's love for us, God's plan for our lives, God's goodness and the sweet blessing of His provision.  So often, the uncertainties of life draw us back to those simple truths that roll off our tongues in the good seasons without a second thought and they sound so much bigger.  To grasp these "simple" truths in these times seems difficult.  I am grateful however, that these are ingrained in my memory much like the cranberry sauce recipe.  God does love us.  God does have a plan for our lives.  God is good. God provides. 

"Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him." Psalm 34:8

The times they are a changin (or really just the length of my hair)

So, besides the fact that I thoroughly enjoy educating the future of America and my kiddos are a lovely part of my day, in my other life I really really really really want to bake. (Really really really).  So, how do I combine those two loves? Oh yeah, throw a party and make my kids these awesome cupcakes for no reason at all.  See awesome cupcakes here: Juicy Lucy Burger Cupcakes.  Yeah. Awesome, right?  So its happening.  I give my students marbles for each time I catch the class doing exactly as I asked and let's just say the marbles have been flowing into that jar so I can make them these cupcakes soon!  It helps that this class is ridiculously well behaved and I am blessed this year with that, but none the less... CUPCAKE fever. 

Also you should also know that when I am not thinking about cupcakes, I am shaking in my boots over this haircut that is occurring in my life tomorrow.  I donated my hair to Locks of Love five years ago for the second time, but the stylist gave me a fro and since then hair cuts have been few and far between.  I am to beauty shops as kids are to the dentist.  I avoid them.  So tomorrow I am doing the big chop again.  I emailed the stylist and put in bold, NO FRO PLEASE.  Okay, I didn't go that far but I was tempted to.  She is coming to the school tomorrow and my students get to watch the transformation.  Seat belts for safety! or helmets, or whatever you might need for this life-rocking event.

Finally, I will officially be done with my masters this Saturday.  I will celebrate, but not until October after I forget my strong dislike of my professor and the bitter taste has left my mouth.  I plan on having a baking project.  I have been mulling over ideas.  I am wanting to make more artsy-fartsy goodies that look as bomb as they taste.  So, here it goes.  As a rule, I avoid the cutesy things because it often comes at the cost of taste, but I will be a purist and make only the best.  No fondant here!  So off we go! Next baking challenge... waaaaahooooo!

Welp, thank you all for stumbling upon these musings and actually making it to this paragraph.  I applaud you (and if you are around me I might even hug you- sorry readers from afar, you don't get one of those).  I have to say, I feel like God has got me in a good season right now.  I'm blessed!  Until next time!...

Peace, love, and enjoying my last day with long hair and using a half bottle of hair products per day.

(Don't worry I'll take pics!)

Surgeon General's Warning: This Product Contains Perfectionism

So, many of you might be wondering what I might have been up to as of late and what goodies and baking adventures have come my way.  Well, I attempted some colombian recipes for a homesick boy who needed some good home cooking which resulted in a Treaty Tuesday of arequipe, milhojas, arequipe brownies, arequipe bars, fried plantains and arepas.  I am no expert to these dishes, but I have found an awesome blog www.mycolombianrecipes.com which helped the process.  I feel some day I might make a meal just like momma makes it, but the learning process is fun.  Random fact?  Yucca is not found in Colorado.  Many recipes must wait.  Send me some or hook me up with a place to locate it?  I will give you a high five.  High fives are cool.  You know you want one.

Other baking adventures?  Welllllll, lots of cookies, breads, buns, the usual. Then I made biscotti. You need to understand that I bake thousands of calories worth of food a week and never eat any of it but then I made biscotti on Wednesday and it all came crashing down.  In fact I am pretty sure my night total was 6 biscotti.  It was insane.  Insanely delicious.  I. love. biscotti.  This is a new discovery for me.  I am adjusting to my new identity as a biscotti addict and trying to avoid it at all costs.  I will bake them blindfolded and with a pin to clip my nose shut as a preventative measure.  Totally safe, right? Riiiight.

This week also included a few treasures for special treats.  I love birthdays because they involve fancy goodies and I get to imagine my life as a pastry chef in all its glory.

On Friday, this resulted in a strawberry swirl cheesecake with an oreo crust and strawberry sauce on top.  See here:

Birthday number two? A carrot cake.  It was carrot cake the way a carrot cake should be made.  Half cake batter, half carrots, raisins, pineapple, coconut and walnuts.  The works.  This same carrot cake almost resulted in a heart attack at my young age of 24.  Story as follows: Andrei rolling a cart.  Cart rolling into cart with cake on it.  Pan alllllmost toppling over onto freshly sculpted carrot cake bunny.  Heart stopping.  Heavy breathing.  I am a perfectionist, so ruined cakes don't exactly keep me cool as a cucumber.  This baking job has really heightened that perfectionism in me to an exceptional degree.  But? Such is life.  I ended with a carrot cake, bunny sculpture on top, bunny tracks, carrots, half eaten carrots by the bunny and bike tracks (since the birthday boy is a biker).  It was fun!  

Speaking of baking... this baker has to clock in for the morning so it is time to sign off.  More adventures to come!  

Love,

Me

Some people are type A, others are type B, I think I'm type LMNOP...

My Friday began innocently enough.  A great plan in store for my kiddos, after 3 days of testing, it was time for a well-deserved celebration.  The plan? Bead-making out of magazines for necklaces we are going to sell at our school cultural community event, a donut party and the wonderful finishing touch of a movie. Lovely plan, no?  So we begin with bead-making, but I quickly remember two things.  1.) I am a perfectionist. 2.) My second-graders are not manufactured bead making machines, but second graders.  Bead making created approximately 1,000 beads. Woohoo! Post bead making created approximately 6 hours of me, checking each bead for usability, re-rolling and re-gluing.  Joy. In the process, I came to this conclusion: I am type LMNOP.  A type LMNOP person not only is a perfectionist, much like a type A person, but tries to be a master in everything.  Extracurricular activity lists exceed 20, hours of sleep rarely exceed 6.  Type LMNOP people do not just dabble in a little of this and a little of that but try to be 6 people in one.  Currently I bake, cook, salsa dance, zumba, bike, hike, am a gym rat, read, plan weddings, paint canvases, paint pottery, teach, go to church, and bible study.  This is me.  Type LMNOP.  These are my beads. My wake up call. I need an intervention.

(If beads could talk, they would be yelping, "Help her! Help her!)

In related news, the beads do rock, however, they will be made into necklaces by my kiddos, AND they will be sold. This Thursday. At the escuela.  Rock!  Loooove when kids get to make a difference.  Its my favorite.

Just like this chip cookie:

The Sweet Adventures of Sugarbelle: Chips and Salsa Cookies {Tutorial}

Peace, Love, and Let-it-go!

Daniel's Fast Day 38: Peace out Babylon!

I am pretty sure that every 5th Christian's favorite verse is Jeremiah 29:11.  Legit, it is an awesome verse, but today it hit me in a fresh way but mostly also with the verses that surround it.  Being stuck for the last year in Babylon awaiting what I believed to be promised to me, plans are beginning to be unveiled.  It is sweet, beautiful, and much more than I had hoped for.  PRAISE THE LORD!  Thats about all I can say right now.  I am overwhelmed.  So check it y'all: Jeremiah 29:10-13.


¹⁰ This is what the LORD says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place.¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 


Fact: He knows what's up.

Also, for the record, I only have two more days left and I plan on rocking it wednesday night with some delicious lava rock chocolate cookies for my crew on Thursday.  It is also consequently Skate City night!  I tell you what, I am know roller derby, nor should I wear roller skates and party pants simultaneously (@ Kelly Watts), but I do love a good skate.  If you were to make a list of all of the awesome perks to being an elementary school teacher, I would put Skate City near the top of the list.  Along with: letters, laughter, Skippyjon Jones, the Pigeon, Valentines Day parties and being a celebrity whenever you walk down the hall or are spotted in the store.  Notice my list DOES NOT include Halloween: definitely not a favorite.  Halloween is chaos in Swahili.  If you didn't know that, now you do.  Wikipedia won't tell you that, but it is true.

In other news, check out this hilarious clip:







Peace y'all!

Pumpkin Challenge Day 1: Bring on the pumpkin!

Eggs, graham cracker crumbs, chipotle chilies, milk, squash, cornstarch, celery, wild rice, butter, sesame oil, dark brown sugar, garlic cloves, cream cheese, broccoli crowns, cranberries, golden delicious apples, granny smith apples, onions, craisins, pumpkin puree, vegetable broth, applesauce. BAKE ON!

 A week, devoted to purely pumkin.

Start your engines, folks!

Challenge 1: Pumpkin Tomato Soup
Butter. (I predict this will be a common theme in these recipes...)

Onions. Diced. Oh the tears!  I chopped all the onions at once to avoid a battle with the mascara later on.

Celery. Diced.  Yum. And then I remembered I recently acquired a mandolin.  Post chopping.  Its okay, I am a little old fashioned in my craft anyways.

Sweat it all into a beautiful trio.  Then add ginger.  Making me wonder...what ethnicity is this meal even? Question remains. Pour vegetable broth.  Note the spoon (later, we are gonna play a game called what changed in the picture).

Add stewed tomatoes then add ummm oh yeah PUMPKIN!

Game time!!! Try to find what has changed... I seem to struggle with spoons not falling into the masterpiece. Such is life.

End challenge number one.  Oh yeah, baby!  Some may wonder, so Kirsten, how did it it taste?  Well, I must admit, it was a bit of a let down for my first challenge.  If I were a wealthy baby and the baby foods I ate included pureed escargot and champagne in my bottle, I might have enjoyed this soup more, but I will go on!  There is a world of recipes to conquer and it is my duty.  So keep on keeping on. 

Challenge 2: Pumpkin Frozen Yogurt (dedicated to my favorite hipster, Krisi)

Greek yogurt? Yes please!

 Add milk to this creamy delight.

Pumpkin and dark brown sugar says fall like Christmas decorations at Target says September. It just works.

(Insert chorus of angels here) Pumpkin pie spice.  Enough said. 

Heart.

And can we say delicious? De-li-cious.  Yes, yes we can. Definite repeat to come.

Challenge number 3: Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Muffins (dedicated to my parents because they slipped the recipe in my mail, and I'm guessing that was a subtle hint)

Step by step photos out the window... so this picture is titled "mixfloursugarsaltbakingpowderpumpkinpureePUMPKINPIESPICEthenrealizeoopsnodocumentationdang photo".

Eggs. Two of them. Does not matter whether the chicken or egg came first. Does matter that they are cage free, organic, vegetarian fed.

Butter.  Dedicated to Saundie, Paula Dean, and all you butter-lovin fools of the world.

Chocolate chips.

 Confession: A handful never actually ever make it into the batter anytime a recipe calls for chocolate chips.

End result? Beautiful!

Challenge 4: Pumpkin Butter (My one recipe that is a butter and my only recipe thus far that does not include butter) That's irony my friends.  Take notes Alanis Morrisette, because your song is not actually ironic at all.

Pumpkin (surprise! or not...you decide)

Simply apple? Simply delicious!

Spice it up with some pumpkin-pie-spice-of-all-yumminess and salt.

You packin? Ha! Yes, I really did just make a corny joke about how you have to have to pack brown sugar.  Don't judge.  Just love.

 Minced onions. (Screeching car sound) Onions? Huh. Ok...

Then let it chillax, all cool, all outside-a school like the Fresh Prince in the fridge. 

This my friends, will be continued.  So much suspense its bake-o-ri-fic! Will the apple butter successfully chill in the fridge without a meteor coming and smashing down the apartment?  What about that cheesecake she put in her Facebook status, is that a secret love child that never will make its appearance to the public?  Tune in tomorrow to find out. Thanks for playing!